Prozac For Life

Too Soon

2011-12-08T21:56:00.002+07:00

i can't breathe.

i can't speak.

i lost my senses.

i'm in pain.

never had i imagine going through life without your smile..

I Ain't Wanna Work Tomorrow!

2011-11-07T23:16:00.006+07:00

i can't sleep, and i might regret it the next morning. i am such a lazy arse!

now posting my current round face.

this was during eid :)

the only thing that i worry the most is my eating habit. i eat A LOT these days. i'm not stressed nor feeling extra gay. i don't feel a thing. strange ey? i was usually the emotional lass. entah. working life has turned me into a stone-hearted bitch. i might have planted the 'whatever' mood deeper than i should. hahahah! whatever-lah folks.

on a sadder note, working day izz tomorow! so lazy to face the world. i'm more comfortable staying in, reading fictions.

BTW, i'm not proud of myself for producing such a crappy entry. will write a better one in the future. writing has always been my fav past time since i was like, 8? yeah. ok, nite2 :)

end of entry.

I Just Want To Sleep

2011-07-06T20:23:00.006+07:00

I feel like applying for a week leave just to stay home and sleep. Seriously i'm suffering from sleep deprivation for the past 8 months. I wonder if (ever) i had kids at home, and house chores to do, what will i look like? kung fu panda?

I miss being lazy..!! and, Bruno Mars knows how important it is to be lazy, so he created this song ;p

*clap clap*

I'm currently not in a very good mood, so i kinda have the need to remind myself (by putting up this photo), how important it is to smile. so this is the best i can offer cos u know, i don't smile so often. hihi.

done crapping. toodles ~

Random Random

2011-06-04T17:20:00.002+07:00

hello.

yes, i like these beautiful people. i personally think that miley is kinda cool in a way, except for her grown-up-wannabe syndrome.

anyhoo

it's been almost 8 months working as a house pharmacist in HTAR. it was unsurprisingly a TIRING job, especially when house pharmacists are required to do like, hundreds of medication counselings. one counseling may take up to 30 minutes, depending on the medication and patient's understanding. the longest i have experienced is 45 minutes. That was a 45 minute of me smiling, talking and demonstrating patiently to a diabetes patient the proper insulin technique. i don't really blame the patient cos the insulin pen company don't really bother to provide pamphlets in bahasa malaysia. they probably think that all diabetes patient understands english. pfffttt.

besides that, we have to do bedside dispensing. bedside dispensing is delivering medications to the patients in wards before they are being discharged. which means that, we go up to the wards to collect prescriptions for patients who are going to be discharged, and go back downstairs to the pharmacy to prepare the medications and go up to the wards again to their beds to deliver their medications, and provide them with the information related to their medications. basically, patients are treated like a VVIP.

the worse part is when there are gazillions of medications to be prepared and the ward supply pharmacy is located at the end of the world. some of the patients are prescribed with more than 10 medications. there's one time, i had to carry a few bags full of medications, all the way to the 8th floor and it was during visiting hours. i was hoping that i didn't drop them cos my hands are tiny ok? i waited 15 minutes for the elevator cos the visitors were so bloody ganas, fighting for the elevator and pushing each other. i just waited and watched in disgust. so sad.

FYI, we have 2 satellite pharmacy located near the wards unfortunately it's not catering for discharged patients. why? don't ask me. i am just, amazed of how dedicated i am to this bedside thingy despite the fact that it's torturing my feet. so, please appreciate us as a pharmacist. we help patients by educating them about their medications. it's a tough job ok?

so there.

it feels good to be writing and whining again.

Hanging By The Moment

2011-05-21T08:37:00.004+07:00

i am terrified. if this is how my life should be, i will accept it as a challenge. God is testing me.

i will always put up this photo when i'm sad kan? haha. i've no freakin idea why.

p/s: i'm back into the blogging world.

It's Just A Stupid Sunday Rant

2010-11-21T18:04:00.013+07:00

jonas photo, bandung

by zaza

monday is tomorrow. argh.

as far as working life is concerned, monday is the most challenging day of all days because it means that your life in the sweet weekend bubble has ended. ask the world, majority would be making faces when monday is being mentioned (except babies). to me, the only way to block this negative energy emitted by monday is by dressing up. i would save all my favorite tops for mondays in case my mood swing might ruin my face. at least my attire will appear pleasant to balance it up. during my uni days, i would wear my fav tops and comfy cardigans on mondays. i hardly wear baju kurung in bandung cos it's hard to get into the angkot without having to flash my thigh to the whole world. talk about indo pervs.

so the main question is what should i wear tomorrow?

*10-minute pause*

ah, who cares anyway, since the white coat will be covering half of my attire. but thank God for the white coat. if i happen to be wearing any extra tight tops, that shall be between me and the coat. haha.

*yawn*

on a different note, i'm currently working on my research proposal. i thought my final year project would be the last project of my life (dream on, Raz T_T). but i'm totally cool with it. i will come up with an awesome topic to blow minds. get ready, people.

my cosy bedroom in bandung

miss my humble abode T_T

Dead End

2010-11-15T21:12:00.000+07:00

but i'm trying to.

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining.

2010-11-14T11:15:00.002+07:00

For start, i feel like the laziest blogger on planet earth compared to others with zero updates for like, almost a month. no surprise. i neglected my blog for 5 months during my final year and it's not a big of a deal to me. haha. i love writing and babbling, but i couldn't get the access to my blogger account since the Ministry of Health has blocked the websites that support social networking (including bloggers) that might possibly influence the efficiency of the worker. i'm currently working in drug information department which requires my laptop to be jam-packed with links of drug databases. there's not much room for facebook and stuff. ;p

Anyhoo, work is a so-so. i haven't been assigned to the killer department YET. plus, i have research proposal to write which is, basically not as difficult as the one i did during my final year. i did some oncalls, and yeah it was pretty tiring but it is still too early to describe my working life. wait till my second and third month, then i might have a long list of stuff to write.

Right now, my personal life is pretty much on the rocks. i just don't know where i'm heading to, but i guess God has a better plan. besides, i'm still not used to this life where everything is not up to me anymore. i feel like my freedom has been taken away when my privacy is not to be taken seriously by others. i love to be alone, and it's not gonna change. it's quite depressing at times, when they don't really get me, and i tend to hurt lotsa people. i'm bleeding terribly inside. it's inexplicable. but hey, life is all about the uphill battles. i presume that this is just another mountain. *trying to force a smile* ;)

I'm gonna skip the sad part and look at some good pictures. these stuff are my current obsessions ♥

cute smiley drugs. no, i'm not a drug addict. i'm a pharmacist ;)

smashing the shuttlecock; badminton ;)

bags! all types: totes, clutches, handbags, beach bags, jute bags, shoulder bags ♥

books :) usually by the bestselling authors.

cute heels ♥

as well as the adorable, curious kitten ♥

note to self: be hopeful because difficult times always lead to better days.

A 3-Day Entry

2010-10-23T16:49:00.003+07:00

21-10-2010

I got the letter. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I'm going to Klang Hospital. The super-busy hospital. I'm gonna start worrying about the busy part later, since there'll be lotsa forms to fill in, papers to sign and places to go today, before i'll be able to report my duty, which is tomorrow.

On the same day, i needed to get everything done. Thank God MBSA building is freakin near to my house. It was difficult to find an empty yellow box to park my snow white. I needed to get to the pharmacy department of Negeri Selangor to hand in the appointment letter and pick up my log books. Oh wow. My log books. There were 9 of them. Great. 9 stages to victory.

I couldn't sleep at night thinking about tomorrow. It's gonna be a loooong day.

22-10-2010

At 10.00 am sharp, i was already in the pharmacy administration office, waiting patiently to meet the ketua pegawai farmasi. To my astonishment, she was a soft-spoken lady in a trendy hijab. Well, i wasn't expecting her to look like a monster, but she seemed so nice for a big boss. I like her. She asked me few questions about myself, and directed me to pegawai farmasi in charge, which means, i had to go into the main building to find that person. Sometimes, i can't believe i took up pharmacy. I used to hate hospitals.

As i walked into the building, i felt strange. Everything seemed familiar to me. The crowd, the view, the air. Everything. Well of course. I used to walk here 3 years ago in a purple uniform and sports shoes. I was a trainee here. So it was like walking down the memory lane. Now i'm here again. If u ask me, I'm not sure how I felt. It's a lot to process.

After a short brief by the pegawai, i was assigned to Therapeutic Drug Monitoring (TDM) department for a day. the workload was "fantastic". I helped the PRP in charge, since she looked so busy. I called up a few departments to get some info and learned to prepare samples for monitoring. Then i saw several papers full of calculations on it. Damn, my pharmacokinetics is a bit rusty. Gonna look that up.

The day went smoothly cos it was friday. TGIF! I was constantly checking the time. Observing was much more tiring. But anyhoo, the people there were nice and friendly. Met a couple of my old friends as well.

On the whole, it was nice. ;)

23-10-2010 (which is today)

I'm writing this entry with an empty stomach. Can't wait for the grand dinner with family afterwards. I'm starving like hell.

Anyway, i have to work tomorrow. It's Sunday, i know. T_T

You Are The Only Exception

2010-10-20T15:53:00.000+07:00

Hayley Williams
I wish i am as pretty as her ^_^

She has a to-die-for voice which makes her a complete package. I want her hair. boleh tak? My long locks are gone, so i NEED to be happy with my current hair. There's no other options. If i have Hayley William's hair color, i would be dead by now. My mommy does not like the idea of mat salleh celup. Haha.

The Paramore concert last nite was a blast. Too bad I didn't get to see Hayley headbanging at Bukit Jalil Stadium T_T

Anyhoo, instead of babbling about my disappointment due to my failure of attending the concert, let's just pray for the appointment letter from The Ministry of Health to arrive. I am tired of waiting. Everytime there's a sound of motorcycle, i'll be sticking my head out the window, hoping to see abang posmen honking at the front of my house, to get someone to sign on my white envelope. The beginning of my career is contaminated by the incompetency of the ministry. Or worse, shattered dreams as the enthusiasm to start the new chapter of life with a thinner body is no longer there. Hahaha. Merepek sungguh. Shut it, Raz! ;p

Bosan lah. Hari2 benda yang sama. It's either this, or that. Hmmmm.

Sometimes I can't believe this is who I am.
(Sagoo Restaurant, Bandung)

Bittersweet

2010-10-18T22:59:00.005+07:00

*yawn*

the life i've been living is dragging me to pure laziness, which i find it difficult to leave behind. i have put on weight due to stuffing myself constantly every hour and i'm always seen on my bed zzzz-ing or if you are lucky, i might be found awake, and laughing at barney's stupid jokes on How I Met Your Mother.

anyways, this job i've been waiting is killing me. it's been 3 months and i'm still in the dark of when or where i'll be transferred. i hate waiting. it's not like i'm sooooo eager to work or something, but this is ridiculous! medical students are given the red carpet to begin their housemanship the minute they graduated, but pharmacy students are treated the otherwise. we had to wait for 3 freakin months just to get ourselves on the list. i don't quite understand this. the country is lacking pharmacist, but unfortunately the government didn't see how important we are to them. if they do, i would be working tonight instead of writing this crap.

5..4..3..2..1.. and the negativity has left the building. phew.

on a more happier notes,

my best friend is engaged!!

awww, i'm so happy for her. my prayers and lotsa love for you, nur nabihah ♥ . good things happen to those who wait. she's been through more than i could think of and i swear i could smell her contentment now, even if she's miles away.

congratulations my dear ;)

nabie and i, in one of our gleeful moments in bandung.

♥

Bila Cinta...

2010-10-13T19:30:00.007+07:00

Just watched Lagenda Budak Setan the movie, adapted from a novel by Ahadiat Akasyah. i'm never excited about malay film, but this one was able to activate my tear duct. it's an epic love story.

"hilangnya cintamu, menusuk hatiku
hingga ku memilih cinta yang fana"

Your eyes are the sweetest stars I've ever seen...

The Ever So Sweet Strawberry Scones That Melts My Heart ♥

2010-10-04T15:30:00.000+07:00

saya bukan gadis kampung. hello ;)

Perhaps, i had done something wrong in the past, which is why i'm still here thinking and reminiscing.

That's really not a good intro by the way. excuse my emotion.

Selamat Hari Raya again! my first real entry since Aidilfitri. i gotta say that i'm a busy bee.

anyhoo, i'm gonna write about my Hari Raya trip.

the Ipoh-Cameron Highlands-Ipoh trip was our family's first holiday trip in 3 years. imagine that. it was a pretty messed up 3 years of zero holiday. the bandung trip didn't include my lil brother, so that was not really a vacation for us since my mom kept worrying about the fact that he was left alone in the house due to classes.

hari raya was fun this year. everybody was around. it feels good. all the while i was babbling and whining about how much i hate having to fly back to bandung, and how short the raya break was. now it feels fantastic to celebrate raya without the disturbing thought of leaving malaysia.

raya day 1: my family and relatives.

on the second day of aidilfitri, together with my grandmother and relatives, we traveled up to ipoh to visit my grandmother's sister as well as other relatives (on my mom's side). i was very delighted to meet some of them whom i didn't really know of. most of the relatives claimed that i was just a lil girl when we last met, now i am already anak dara. okay. hahaha. sadly i forgot to ask for their names. i'm terrible at names.

on the next day, we went up to cameron highlands, specifically brinchang, and stayed for 2 nights at the Country Lodge Hotel. the best strawberries jam and scones i've ever tasted can be found somewhere around brinchang too. it was actually both vegetable and strawberry farm, but we're more excited about the waffles and the scones offered. literally, the thought of that heavenly scones makes me crying at night, wanting more. i'm definitely a first class drama queen. lol.

Brinchang at 4.35 pm

that was my half-eaten scones. love the tea as well.

fresh strawberry with whipped cream ;)

i was trying to steal the limelight from that pretty flower.

at the cactus house. comel betul cactus kecik2 ni.

and finally that was me at the boh tea plantation.

and oh, did i tell you that ayam penyet restaurant at De Garden Mall, Ipoh is friggin expensive compared to the original country (Indonesia)? plus it's damn tasteless! i ordered the ordinary ayam penyet that cost me around RM7.50 (tax not included), and couldn't help but calculating how many plates of ayam penyet i could get for that price in Indonesia. in Bandung, ayam penyet is priced around RM3.20 per portion, and it tastes like heaven! this restaurant is charging us for something that is not up to our satisfactory level.

the traditional presentation of ayam penyet.

ayam penyet which includes a piece of fried flattened chicken, few pieces of tauhu and tempe and a small portion of sambal is a traditional Indonesian dish. frankly, the sambal didn't even taste like sambal. it tasted more like raw chillies (nothing but chillies) and the chicken was as good as the ordinary fried chicken, only flattened (since it's called ayam penyet right?). and the indonesian tea? i expected it to be different (teh botol or fruit tea), but i got the ordinary tea instead. hmm hmm.

my policy is: i don't mind paying more for good food.

well, maybe those who claimed that ayam penyet here is super tasty, might have not tasted the real ayam penyet in indonesia. can't blame them ;p

on a different note,

thanks for visiting my blog. we're still in syawal month rite? so Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, folks! since u drop by, please have some of my kuih raya ! ;)

homemade pineapple tarts made by mom and i ♥

and chocolate chip cornflakes ♥

♥ toodles! ♥

Eid Mubarak ;)

2010-09-09T23:34:00.005+07:00

WISHING YOU
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN
AND
HAPPY HOLIDAY

Love ♥,

Razana Adam Lee

Attention Nose Pickers!

2010-09-03T14:51:00.005+07:00

Happy Friday, folks.

I would love to share some interesting info about boogers (tahi hidung).

For those with weak immune system, eating your boogers is highly recommended. I know it's disgusting but it's freakin true!

Read this:

Donating boogers? EWWWW RIGHT?

Even it's just dusts, i'd rather eat my own boogers than having to torture my gastrointestinal tract with other people's boogers. Not even Bradley Cooper's. God knows which polluted site these people have been to.

Blegh.

Razana Is Back In Looklet!

2010-09-03T00:03:00.003+07:00

i'm back in Looklet! my addiction to this stuff is increasing from day to day. check this out. i created new looks that represent who i am as a person. ;)

Midnight Cowgal
(my fav!)

Authentic

She Has A Secret

Flying To Shop

;)

Drop Dead Diva

2010-08-28T22:52:00.008+07:00

since i'm doing absolutely nothing at home besides being my mom's right hand man, i keep myself busy watching the top new series, Drop Dead Diva.

it is currently my obsession. this show is inspiring yet humorous. it's about how to get over the things from the past and motivating ourselves to embrace the present. hmm sounds familiar? ;p

a gazillion thanks to zaza for introducing me to this sizzling hot TV series.

so pls pls check this out. rugi sangat kalau tak tengok. it's from season 2.

and oh, love the song by the way. hiks.

and now, images!

jane bingham (on the right) is a smart lawyer, stacey (on the left) is her best friend, and paula abdul is jane's motivational diva who always appears in her dreams.

jane is having a hard time dealing with her new identity

this show is not one of those typical non-educational TV shows, it's much more than that. it's about feeling good with your body size. just look at her. she's adorable even if she's not a size zero. the most important thing is, she's clever! her intelligence in the court is beyond hotness!

and most of all, it's funny and brilliant.

2 thumbs-up!

p/s: zero is not a size. ;p

Tu Me Manques

2010-08-26T21:48:00.006+07:00

Me, being all spastic
(Bandung, July 2010)

i'm bored. when can i start working?

i wasn't born to plant grapes.

i need excitement.

ah, this is beyond boredom!

hmmm.

nuzul quran is tomorrow

KN cakap tomorrow also ada eclipse. betul ke?

we shall see.

it's the perfect time for doa.

i'll pray for you.

and everything is gonna be fine.

♥

;)

IKEA: Food and My Future Wardrobe.

2010-08-22T21:20:00.012+07:00

Ramadhan is here again. the best part of all is i'm celebrating it in my hometown, with my family and friends ;). ahh, life is good. this is the best ramadhan evarrrr!

few days before ramadhan KN and I paid a visit to IKEA just to indulge ourselves with Scandinavian culinary. we had Swedish meatballs served with cream sauce and lingonberry jam, chicken leg with Swedish herb and lemon sauce and had Daim cake for dessert. yes daim cake folks.

Swedish meatballs with its long-life partner, the fries

KN having the chicken leg with Swedish herbs and lemon sauce.

the heavenly Daim cake. sangat sedap. only for RM4.50.

i ♥ IKEA especially for its food. and yeah, also for its super nice, super creative furniture and interior stuff. with this much IKEA fans, i wonder how much they make per month.

i have a theory. 95% of the Malaysians entering IKEA are most likely to head home carrying at least one IKEA product. it's either carrying them in plastic bags or have them in the form of chyme in the stomach. man, the swedish are creative. my mom is a huge fan of the plants.

i love the idea of a cozy environment in a limited space. since i need more than anything to reconceptualize my bedroom, i came to IKEA again, the next day with my family to search for a new wardrobe.

and found this modern black and white wardrobe. perfect for my bedroom.

i like this wardrobe cos of the mirror and i need few spotlights attached to it. hehe.

and i had my eye on this pretty pretty white thing. i had this on my list, in case i change my mind. tee-hee.

u can choose the doors, frames as well as its interior. it's like building your own fashion heaven. it's sooo Sex & The City. LOL!

how can u not love IKEA?

do u agree that when u're in IKEA, u feel like u need everything when in fact u don't? for instance, u have a nice rug lying on your bedroom floor back at home, but in IKEA, u can't resist getting another soft fluffy animal-printed rug since it is breathtaking?! plus, when u see someone with the latest table lamp design in her trolley, suddenly u need one?! it's epidemic! agree not?

bad shape, according to mister.

well, no matter how tacky the designs are, how much money those stuff are gonna cost, or how crowded IKEA Damansara is, the Swedish are still the filthy rich cos they are able to make the malaysians go IKEA-crazy and spend more money during the weekends.

those bloody Swedish! ♥

fyi,

today is ramadhan 12 and i made these for buka puasa ;p

this is called cara berlauk. one of the many many traditional kuih ;)

anyways, happy fasting to the muslims! ;)

Convocation is all about narcissism.

2010-07-29T23:08:00.023+07:00

17th of July 2010 is the day. my graduation day. on the whole, it was awesome + serabut + tiring.

arrival. i am known for this "sombong" face. i was born with it.

lihat ni. sombong gila kan? but ini semua tipu. i am a nice girl ;) try me.

the papparazi were trying to steal some shots of me. HAHAHA. seriously. i'm telling the truth. this is Indonesia. you get to be a celebrity on your graduation day. sweeeeeet.

with mama waiting for my medal. i left it at home. argh. story of my life. my sister and the driver were on their way to get it. thank you so much T_T.

got my medal. papa and mama. proud parents ;)

hmm hmm

finally...B.Pharm, baby.

;p

♥

i am so grateful

;)

Money honey

2010-07-29T22:58:00.002+07:00

i broke my mickey bank last week while i was still in Bandung. unsurprisingly, 90% of my savings are coins. HAHAHA. good job girl. i heart my mickey bank so much! this mickey bank was super special because once you drop ur money in there, there's no other way for u to get it back except wacking it using some sort of elephant-like hammer. sesuai untuk orang shopaholic seperti saya. hahaha. if i'm not mistaken, i was able to save rp 250,000. it's around rm89. ok la tu kan.

broken mickey bank. why mickey? cos this tabung has mickey's face on it. but in this photo, it's hidden mickey.

stacks of 500 rupiah coins. comel kan arrangement dia?

tapi ni lagi comel. 200 and 100 coins.

and of course, the 1000 rupiah notes. sedikit ugly.

with that much money, i can afford more BAGS in Bandung. MUAHAHAHA.

Home sweet home

2010-07-29T15:09:00.005+07:00

(wisuda ITB 17 juli 2010)

a picture is worth a thousand words

i heart home ♥

;)

postcript: more photos coming up..

Mom's Cooking

2010-07-13T22:46:00.001+07:00

Lunch today was awesome. chicken paprik and sambal goreng were good enough to keep me smiling all day.

chicken paprik

sambal goreng

thank you mama ♥

postscript: 7 days more ;)

Boxes of Carrots

2010-07-12T21:45:00.003+07:00

pharmacology laboratory 2009

such a cute creature. i wonder why would some people make "sate" out of this super-adorable animal? it's like you're eating bugs bunny. how can you consume bugs bunny??

on a totally different note, i finally finished chucking all my junks into these boxes. the sneezing was intense, thanks to the dust. it was horrifying trying to squeeze all my 3 year stuff into these. it took me more than 3 days to finish with the help of my mom. can't imagine having to do this on my own. i'm sending them home by sea, so hopefully they're gonna safely reach port klang. i can't risk losing my books!

can't wait to be home to start a new life.

according to my daisypath, 8 days more. 7+1, 6+2, 5+3.

me, mama and brother

we're gonna reunite again soon.
;)

4 months later..

2010-07-11T22:03:00.006+07:00

it's been what, 4 months? hahaha. been so occupied with stuff and all. i didn't have time to scribble anything since i had mice as pets. haha. penat gila lah lari sana sini just to finish my final semester. Alhamdulillah, i made it. i am a B.Pharm holder. i'm a pharmacist! weehoo! currently i'm still in bandung, enjoying the place while waiting for my convocation day on the 17th of july. *toothy grin*

some flashback,

no words can describe how difficult it was to survive in this country and the uni as well. it was both sweet and painful. i shed too much tears during the process. *sigh*

the scariest part of my degree program was the comprehensive examination (sidang sarjana @ viva). we had to study all the subjects starting from the first till the final year. since i was a transfer student, it was alot harder. i went through some tough time trying to finish revising all the subjects, but the truth is, you can never finish reading them. it was too many! viva was challenging. i was bombarded with tons of questions, from the easiest to the most difficult. i did what i could, and Alhamdulillah i was the best student for viva. thank you Allah. i am more than grateful (credit to my syg) ;p.

but right after the yudisium (announcement of the final result), i was down with dengue fever. i was hospitalized for 5 days in Rumah Sakit Hasan Sadikin. worse, my thrombocyte level was 32,000. it was way too low compared to the normal thrombocyte level (150,000). i was soooo freakin weak, i couldn't walk, i couldn't eat, i couldn't talk (due to upper respiratory tract infection). plus, i missed the farewell dinner T_T. but most importantly, mama flew all the way from malaysia just to be with me! love you, mama ;)

special thanks to nabihah and azura for taking care of me. also to my classmates for the visit. they are such nice people, and i'm just glad that they were there to help me with the thesis book and graduation stuff while i was lying weak. thank you so much friends! muahs!

pharmacy international class
(where am i? ;p)

right now i'm just gonna laze around, shopping and packing. can't wait to be home again. for good this time. deep down, i'm gonna miss bandung. i love the clothes and the bags. the BAGS! i just need a few more bags, and i'm done. hihi.

with love, Razana Adam Lee
xoxo.

Purple Top and Yellow Bottom

2010-03-13T09:10:00.016+07:00

"I am totally into Looklet!"

this obsession started when i needed something to de-stress myself. something that would make me smile. something to do with arts. fashion? i never thought stylist would be the word, but hey, why not? i found this cool website where you can create your own style from hundreds of designer items. how cool is that? a real model with real items.

i put together all the tops, bottoms and shoes as well as the bags and jewelleries.

check this out:

love that pretty red shoes

...and the black sexy top

ain't that a cute pink top? and the fluffy black skirt is just too pretty to resist. plus, jimmy choo's clutch has just the right colour for my look.

the chick look. gotta love the vest and that beaded shoulder bag.

www.looklet.com

We are Lucky

2010-03-04T17:12:00.018+07:00

here's something to ponder. spare yourself a minute or two:

If you have food in the fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of the world.

Photo by website

If you have any money in the bank, your wallet and some spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

Malnourished children

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive this week.

Photo by website

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the agony of imprisonment or torture, or the horrible pangs of starvation, you are luckier than 500 million people alive going through this suffering.

An Afghan child looks at the rifle of a US soldier on patrol in Naray, eastern Kunar province on April 13, 2009. Photo by website

If you can read this message you are more fortunate than the 3 billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Photo by website

quoted by Unknown

we were born with a silver spoon in the mouth after all..

Bruschetta anyone?

2010-03-04T14:25:00.009+07:00

some facts about the Italian's Bruschetta.

'Bruscare' or widely known as 'Bruschetta' is a simple Italian dish that was originated from the central of Italy. people started eating bruschetta since the 15th century where they usually served as snacks or so. despite the less ingredient used, bruschetta is surprisingly delicious and requires less preparation time. bruschetta is like a smaller, simpler version of pizza, only better. unlike pizza, the bread of bruschetta must first grilled or toasted before the topping is added on top. sliced French baguette is normally used as the base but of course, it can be substituted with some other breads. i remember my mom used to make beef bruschetta for breakfast, and it was heaven. it's the best bruschetta i've ever had.

in the olden days, bruschetta was made of only toasted bread, rubbed with garlic, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with pinches of salt and pepper. it is usually called Bruschetta Classica. how authentic can a garlic bread be? nowadays many versions of bruschetta can be found, including the Mediterranean type that is topped with tomatoes, black olives and feta cheese. however, my very own bruschetta is rather simple yet tasty. i made this long time ago and it was modified to suit my taste buds. basically, i used capsicum instead of tomatoes, cooked with bombay onions, ground pepper, salt, and a teaspoon of soya sauce. as for the base, the sliced baguette was baked with butter in a heated frying pan. since there was no basil leaves, i substituted it with chopped parsley and sprinkled them on top. it was presentable i must admit, but most importantly, it is better than hot chicken wings. hehe.

i'm not a food journalist or advanced cook whatsoever but food revelation fascinates me more than i could think of. the italians seem to be a bunch of brilliant people who came up with delicious, yet healthy meals.

on a different story, few days ago i came across a food court stall selling bruschetta. too bad it was not available. i was crushed and was planning on visiting again soon. i hope it tastes just the way it looks.

in the meantime, i'm gonna indulge myself into something called lunch. better hope i get to taste the best bruschetta soon.

cheers to the Italians! ;)

spinning gasing

2010-02-27T14:26:00.005+07:00

it's pouring again outside. Bandung city has been a wet city ever since last month. it's kinda hard to move around when most of the places are covered with water. it's supposed to be just water, but it's not when you're in Bandung. the water vapour that undergoes condensation and precipitation is not as clean as in Malaysia, trust me. my fever and flu just got better. my red knit sweater isn't protecting me anymore.

28-10-2009
post-rain. on my way back home.

it's saturday, and the lazy weekend mode is on. i just came back from biotechnology discussion with my groupmates, and that would be: one down, more to go. lotsa things waiting to be done, but right now i'm just gonna update my TA book and crawl back to bed.

thursday evening was freakin exhausting. i spent almost 3 hours observing the behavior of my beloved mice. thanks to zaza for being such a good observer. without her help, i wouldn't know how much those mice hate lady GaGa. lol. as relieved as i am with that, i still have plenty to worry about. like the fact that i've been told to draft another request letter to some other pharmaceutical companies for my Naltrexone drug. i was hoping that it's not gonna take them more than a month to deliver it, because if not, my next plan is goinna sound a little unpleasant. hehe.

anyways,

is it just me, or the earth is spinning a wee bit slower than usual?

whatever it is, it has to spin faster now. i know i'm gonna miss my student life, but i also need to be home. fast.

p/s: naltrexone is an opiod receptor antagonist. it is also used to treat alcohol dependence.

How Sure Are You?

2010-02-20T10:36:00.011+07:00

when a girl shrieked excitedly that she has found the right person, i wonder how sure she is. i questioned my doubt to some of my companions. unsurprisingly they replied: "you just knew". and some answered: "your heart will speak for you".

you just knew? how?

so, you're saying that i should listen to my heart? like how?

i've been in several relationships before to understand that well enough, but still, i don't get it when they speak love. i don't speak love language. i thought of my previous guy as the perfect one, until he proved to me that he wasn't. so, what does my heart has to say about that?

clearly i'm still a dummy in relationships.

currently i'm not dating anyone. i'm still traumatized by the previous chapter. the chapter that brought me to a different world, where religion is the main hurdle. it got me thinking that my love story didn't count the romance, it was more of a debate about truth and beliefs. the only thing that slices my heart from the very bottom. there's no future, no matter how truthful the love was. thus, it ain't easy getting back on the love path again, after much heartaches and tears. i should learn from regina spektor. always one foot on the ground. i'm not interested into getting my heart ripped again into micropieces. my heart needs protection.

wait a second.

something is missing. i know there's an answer to my question.

Perform Istikharah, and God will lead you through your instincts.

that simple. now i understand ;)

final project II

2010-02-19T21:50:00.017+07:00

the finale of my years in Institut Teknologi Bandung (ITB) is finally happening. the year that i've been waiting for. this final semester is gonna be a challenging one. frankly, i sweat blood and shed litres of tears to be able to stand at this point. it's different from what i have experienced in the university in Malaysia. everything here is unexpected. passing with a C makes you wanna bounce up and down. imagine the bouncing when you get an A. the timetable changes every now and then, you tend to lose track. the method of learning isn't all about listening in the classroom alone, it's much more than that. besides the normal written exam, students are required to sit for oral exams, laboratory exams as well as practical exams. as usual, assessment includes quizzes, presentations, dissertations, and tests. study leave is not in our vocabulary. we rush all the time. all the knowledge taught, need to be stored and processed possibly, right away. the deadlines are driving us crazy. we are taught to survive the pressure, bear the pain and learn to get up fast and recover before the next wave hit. if we paused for just a moment, we need to restart the whole thing.

the pressure and adrenaline are somewhat unbearable at times, but it's worth it, in a way. science and technology pharmacy is a combination of engineering and medicine. trust me, it's far more complicated than clinical pharmacy. the starting year as a houseman in government hospital is gonna be hell. however, all the hard work will pay off at the end of the day. hopefully.

so, this final semester is mostly about final project.

currently i'm working on a final project supervised by Dr. Kusnandar, titled: Role of Arachidonic Acid Cascade in Alcohol Dependence. i'm testing the effect of Diclofenac Sodium in alcohol withdrawal syndrome, since Diclofenac is one of the Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs (NSAIDs) which acts by blocking the effect of prostaglandin (to stop the pain). so if the drug happens to lower the withdrawal syndrome, it is possible to conclude that arachidonic acid cascade plays a role in alcohol dependence.

i choose to test the hypothesis on mice ;p

mice are smart creature

feeding them everyday is a challenge. one thing that i fear most is entering the lab with a basket of food, only to find that one of them is dead. so far, 2 were dead ;( . one was bullied by its fellow mice while the other was due to dehydration. the drinking water in the bottle wasn't flowing freely, and i had to change it several times. so, from now on, if one of them is not moving, i'll shake the cage to make sure that each of them is alive. yea, not very scientific. i'm just being paranoid. tee-hee.

hope this goes well. currently the mice are in the process of getting themselves addicted to the alcohol given.

me, holding a rabbit from last semester's pharmacology lab session

wish me luck ;)

I live to eat

2010-01-17T20:48:00.029+07:00

my name is Razana and i love to eat

this is a very common confession among Malaysians since they are known for their far from satisfactory eating habit. obviously the 24-hour service of mamak restaurants is implemented to fulfill the needs of most Malaysians who love supper. too bad there's not much restaurant in Bandung that provide a 24-hour service except for McDonald's and some other fast food restaurants. please note that McD in Indonesia has no apple or pineapple pies. and so i suggested that they include pies in the menu (since they wanted my opinion, so there). in Form 5 chemistry, we were taught that frozen meat from fast food contain nitrates that helps with the preservation. a new study by Suzanne de la Monte MD, MPH (Rhode Island Hospital) suggests that, nitrates may cause Alzheimer's, Diabetes and Parkinson's disease (Science Daily). uuuuu~ that's no good.

good food and great people is a terrific combination. basically because sometimes, wonderful people makes the food taste good. living in indonesia requires me to be more open to a wide variety of food, despite the fact that i'm by far, the most choosy person my mom ever come across. even if it's just a metaphor, i can be aggressively picky since it involves feeding my sensitive stomach (i shouldn't be taking any overly-spicy food, to be exact). i can't help it if my stomach demands for good food can i? ;p

yet, it's impossible to list out all my favourite food here since it's gonna take several days to finish, and of course my mom's home cooking is on top of the list. she always mentioned that food taste better when cooked with love ♥ ;).

clockwise: from top; fried asparagus with shrimp paste a.k.a. belacan, fried prawn with butter, sweet and sour siakap, squid with dried chillies and cashewnuts and (middle) fried squid.

unfortunately the photo above isn't clear enough for you to indulge in my seafood world, but i'm tellin ya, these dishes are definitely first class heaven, especially when u have fruit smoothies to go with 'em. this was during my short christmas break last year. a perfect family dinner at this fabulous seafood restaurant in Tasik Shah Alam was all i needed. the food was great and i can't wait for the next visit. probably at the end of this year after i graduated.

Cantonese Yee Mee

this is my dad's favourite dish. My News Cafe in One Utama has the best Cantonese Yee Mee, so far. Chinese food can be very comforting sometimes ;)

Rice, salad (carrot and cabbage covered with mayo, which is more like coleslaw), gorengan, mixed veggie and beef (fried with ketchup)

next is Indonesia's own japanese fast food called Gokana Teppan, which is my favourite place for lunch because firstly, it does not serve sushi or anything raw, secondly they have the best beef teriyaki in town. they offer a variety of sets and combos, but the best is Gokana sets that include basically rice, salad, gorengan, fried veggie and beef or chicken cooked with ketchup.

American Club Sandwiches

did i mention that i love sandwiches? besides subway chicken teriyaki, i love the black canyon's american club sandwiches. the sandwich is served with chips, and it goes very well with chocolate frappe. well to be frank, black canyon's sandwiches is nothing compared to Subway's. seriously. ;p

so, what's for dessert?

Choco Pearl from Bread Talk

this is what i'm talking about. the infamous choco pearl designed for BreadTalk is all about chocolate. it is a black forest cake coated with a combination of white and dark chocolate from belgium, and decorated with fresh strawberry. i almost cried when Breadtalk outlet in ciwalk, bandung stopped producing this. i'm not sure if they have it in malaysia, but this Choco Pearl, is definitely to die for.

;)

writing this entry, is a challenge. it makes me hungry. ;p

080110

2010-01-08T16:10:00.007+07:00

Dago, Bandung 2009

i haven't logged in for like, almost a month. (!). i didn't even bother to scribble anything since blogger.com had been a total pain in the ass. so, since it's 2010, i shall scribble somethin in this almost-dead blogpage. actually, i've been meaning to write about my 9-day christmas break in Malaysia, but the exams and dissertations had stopped me from doing so.

anyway,

HAPPY 2010, FOLKS!

may all the bad elements from the previous year be left behind. 2010 is a beautiful number, and it surely gonna be an awesome year. hopefully.

on a happier note, i'm entering my final semester! weehoo!

p/s: currently, i'm more active on twitter. which means i have forgotten how much i love babbling in here. this is sad ;( i hope i can make this blogpage alive again ;). oooh! did i just make a NY resolution? ;)

toods!

Fly Me to The Moon

2009-11-22T17:53:00.010+07:00

it's been a while huh? the last few weeks had been crazy and the craziest part has yet to come. i was hoping i could get through this, not as the best, but as the strongest. gotta handle it as a grown up. no more whining (though i love to).

i was tidying up my room this morning when suddenly the thought of having to do it with a crying baby on my arm appeared. being a mother is certainly the best part since i will have a cuter, smaller version of myself toddling around in my living room. i can't wait. but what if i couldn't handle being both a mother and a career woman? what if i dropped the baby while bathing her because i smell something is burning in my kitchen? what if i forgot to prepare her lunch because i was too occupied with paperwork? and what am i gonna do if my baby is screaming for nothing and it's 2 a.m.? when it's really happening, everybody will freak out.

well, easy is never the word to describe being a mother. it takes all the patience in the world to raise a child. giving birth is another story. probably, when the time comes, i will know what to do ;).

back to reality, i am currently working on my thesis proposal which is pretty interesting. it's gonna be my second research paper after the one i did during diploma. hope it goes well, despite the endless assignments. sigh.

and for the hundredth time, i miss my hometown friends. i'll be back on january, and we're gonna spend some quality times together. i promise ;)

p/s: my writing style has changed. it's so plain. dammit.

fashionistas

2009-10-29T00:32:00.024+07:00

Prada

fashion obsessions can sometimes turn human into wild fashionistas, especially the ones with the XX chromosomes (female). it gets wilder when competition takes place and nothing could ever stop them.

in fashion world, you'll get the chance to bump into 2 types of people: the trend fighters and the label freaks.

trend fighter: a person who tries too hard to be the trendsetter and claims that whatever piece of clothes that she's on is HER style. which also means that she gets to bodycheck you and shrieks: "you copy my style!" (sounds familiar? it also applies to countries) those who fall into this category need to widen up their fashion horizons and stop being so high school about it.

label freak: an insecure female who believes that the only way to look good is to wrap her body with designer clothes/expensive labels and brag about it. it's just sad as it doesn't work that way. it's fine if you love the labels or the designer clothes, but it gets bitchy if it's the only thing you could talk about. well, you can always undo the karma if you could make the lower end clothes look classy and chic, minus the bragging.

Donatella Versace

it should be noted that, less is more. there's nothing wrong wearing non-designer clothes if you know just how to look good.

roberto cavalli

Marc Jacobs

well, for what it's worth, those who deserve a respect, are those who own a prada and never brag.

;)

she turns 1 ;)

2009-10-27T00:07:00.015+07:00

so tempting

it's midnight and i'm hungry. i don't usually take supper, but at this very minute, i'm craving for these two delicious stuff and it leads to extreme hunger. curry puffs and puteri ayu are my all time favs!

ah, how i miss malaysian food. i'm getting sick of the food here. with zaza suffering from diarrhoea and infection, this is just too sickening for us. and yeah, i'm whining.

*long sigh*

if only the curry puffs are real...

haihs

and also...

HAPPY 1ST TO MY BLOG!

it's been a year of babblings and whinings. time really does have wings. i was aiming for 100 entries before today, but i guess 88 are pretty awesome. it's a good number!

so, i'm hoping that this blog page is gonna stay for long, even if i've grown wrinkles and my grandchildren are more than 10.

^_^

anyway, thank you readers for dropping by and browsing through the entries, even if i wasn't making much sense most of the time. let's just hope that i won't be too lazy to scribble something in here for the next couple of months and in the future.

again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PFL. you will always be my prozac.

cheers.

;) ;) ;)

Papa

2009-10-26T16:29:00.023+07:00

Happy Birthday, Papa!
i'm a lil sad that i wasn't home to wish him on his birthday. i'm pretty sure he would say something like, "you stay there and quickly finish your studies then come back. you don't have to worry about those unnecessary things." hehe.

my papa has been supporting me all the way, and this is my hundredth time stating how grateful i am to have him by my side. and yeah, despite all the craps and problems i've created, he's still there for me. he's just so amazing and i don't know if i could ever repay him. he's always been my idol since i was little. here's the prove: back in primary, i had this secret journal book. i used to write almost everything in there. i wrote about my family, my best friends and even about my favourite boy bands (hehe). i remember when my english teacher assigned us to write about our fathers, i copied everything i wrote about my father straight from the secret book and submitted it beforehand. and yeah, i got 4 stars for that since it was very specific. actually, i still have it with me, and for the first time, i'm gonna reveal some of the stuff i wrote when i was 11.

"i love my papa. he is the coolest papa in the world. i want to talk like him, think like him, act like him and play badminton just like him. he is a very good badminton player. sometimes he scold me because i never hit the shuttle properly".

19.12.1996
yesterday papa bought a big yellow book for me and nabilah (my sis). the book is about people around the world. i like the book. nabilah also like it. we like it very much. we read the book together. thank you papa.

6.1.1997
today is my first day in standard 5. papa send me to school but i tell papa to go home because i am a big girl already. papa said it's okay. i love my papa very much. i cry a bit after papa go home.

17.8.1997
today we are going swimming. i am so excited. papa said we must wear goggles if we want to see what is under the water. i am scared because i cannot float in the water. but mama said, papa will help me swim. ok!

21.8.1997
just now i follow papa to section 11 to play badminton. papa was good. he beats the uncle. i play with ariff (my bro) at the side. then papa came and play with us. ariff always make me angry because he hit the shuttle wrongly. i don't want to play with him anymore.

it's just the point of view of an 11 year-old girl. no alteration has been made. my father was in my every entry and it's a prove that he has been my hero since i learned how to write.

thank you papa, for everything.
may Allah bless you with good health and a prosperous year ahead.

Love, Jaja

Broken colours

2009-10-21T22:33:00.015+07:00

half of myself is dead. literally, my receptors have lost its sensitivity, and i'm feeling rather numb. i have come to the point where, everything is white and black. nothing interesting to look forward to. it's not sadness that i'm enduring, it's more of a nothing. so nothing. it's suffocating and i can't tell what is real anymore. even a pair of grey-coloured sandals that i used to love so much means nothing to me. well yeah, i still love it and i like wearing it, but neither do i feel as if i have to, nor have i realize its presence. it's grey and suddenly i hate grey. it's dull and dullness is the last thing i wanna feel right now. i am lusting for the energy of colours. i want it so bad because it's the only thing that could lift up my mood.

and so i sigh again for the last time.

it's frustrating to not be able to see the world like i used to. i don't care if everyone else sees it differently because frankly, i care more about my world than other people's. i just need a paintbrush and a palette full of colours so that i could paint everything with my very own set of colours.

right this minute, i'm throwing everything (that i loathe) away from my life as i drift myself to another path and secretly wish for drops of pretty colours. i will not stop even if i have to endure the pain again.

this, i'm very sure of.

The cat got me pissed again

2009-10-17T21:25:00.015+07:00

i've done watching How I Met Your Mother season 5, episode 4 for the third time. i was practically laughing for the entire 20 minutes. freaking hilarious i'm tellin' ya.

anyway, i haven't been blogging much lately since blogger is kinda slow. so, was thinking of moving to wordpress but it requires more time. so i'll just have to wait for the right time. but right now, i have so much going on in my life, too many things to learn, too many information to memorize, too many mechanism to understand and too little time for everything! T_T

plus, my series of bad lucks ended just yesterday. i almost died of depression. thank god it's over. at least i thought it has. and since prozac is the tittle of my blog, which happen to be the brand name of a famous antidepressant, it doesn't have anything to do with me abusing it (though i wish i could *evil grin*).

also, next week is mid semester exam. i don't know what to expect, so i just have to do my best. but at this point, i guess my brain cells are swollen. just like the tummy of a fat guy. too many undigested input, i presume. blegh.

ok, i gotta stop now. gotta get my ass back to phytochemistry. so, whatever crap i just wrote that doesn't make any sense, blame it on bipolar.

ciows~

p/s: lisa's birthday is tomorrow. happy 23, my dear! miss you loads! x0x0

things to babble on a rainy day

2009-10-02T18:19:00.009+07:00

i might be some sort of an odd living creature to some people when i mentioned that i'm generally not a movie fan. uh-huh. i started to realize it when i was 19, and i am hardly found to be anywhere near the cinema. for some inexplicable reason, i somehow agree to a movie invitation. in some rare occasion, that is.

secondly,

i am extremely fussy when it comes to food. apparently, i dislike certain food for practically no reason.

just to be clear, i dislike asam pedas. i know. it might be an insult to the Johorean, it's a lovely dish. really. it's just that, it doesn't suit my taste buds.

also that my tongue has not a single 'thing' for ice-creams. i eat certain ice-creams only. sad eh?

besides those, i won't say yes to laksa penang, mee rebus (anything with mee except nyonya mee), sardine, tofu fah and porridge. i am fussy and my mom knows that.

but most of all, i dislike raw cheese. the kfc cheesy wedges? no thanks.

there's more of it if you live with me. hikhik.

thirdly,

i don't watch tv that much. i'll be in front of the tv only and only if it's the only source of entertainment that could kill my boredom.

i'm not a morning person, which explains why i don't usually laugh at early morning jokes. i'll be back to normal when the morning glory blooms. somewhere around 10-11.

plus i don't smile to strangers. period.

on a totally different note, i need a new water dispenser. T_T . there's some part in it that causes the leakage. it's tiring me out that i have to mop the floor q.i.d.

in padang, they lack of clean water and i'm wasting it. i'm paying for every drop of it, so a brand new one is needed. stat!

haih.

p/s: q.i.d. = four times a day

Raya Blues

2009-09-25T22:23:00.018+07:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, readers!

let's see how Razana is doing on her Raya holiday:

she has put on some extra baggage. it's expected.
she's happier :)
she bought some cool new stuff. o_O
she had a wonderful raya.
she's a lil upset about some issues. some people need to sit on the kindergarten chair and learn to respect others.
the kebaya killed her tummy. she's done pretending that it fits. T_T
a lifetime record of her duit raya collection has broken. more new stuff. tee hee.
she discovered that getting herself to reply a text message requires patience. she dislikes texting, except for life and death matters. under some circumstances, texting could be a stressful activity to her.
she met lotsa selfish human along the way.
she learned that the secret to a strongly bonded friendship pizza lies in the ingredient of the base. a gram of chemistry, a kilo of sincerity and a tonne of trust.

O_o

Ramadhan 24

2009-09-13T13:12:00.011+07:00

6 days before Aidilfitri, and i'm still in bandung. zafirah and i will cook our last buka puasa meal together this evening before flying back home tomorrow morning. at this hour, all i can do is staring up at the ceilling and let my mind wander about home. i'm guessing that my mom is busy in the kitchen preparing for buka puasa or probably baking cookies. ah, how i miss the smell of it. surely the cookies are decorated without me :(

plus, i miss performing tarawih in Malaysia. every year, my best friend and i will head to the surau nearby to perform tarawih. both of us will be chatting and giggling at the back of the saf before the praying starts. and normally, we are the first few people to grab the meals prepared by the residents after 8 rakaat of tarawih. hehe. sometimes i bump into some of my old classmates and we actually do some catching ups right after praying. so, this is how tarawih unites the muslims.

Ramadhan in Bandung is different. the environment is too normal, even when lebaran is around the corner. in Malaysia, we have bazaar Ramadhan that sells almost all the food that represent our country. i miss murtabak daging, tepung pelita, nasi kerabu, ayam percik, putu piring, char kuay teow, sirap limau and cendol. here, they kinda have this bazaar thing too, but the food is not very tempting. plus, it's not hygenic at all. you just have to concentrate on your meal and never ever give a single damn on the preparation process. generally, the menu here is quite usual. like, nasi timbel, ayam bakar, pecel lele, es shanghai, es durian, etc. the unusual part is, the number of hawker stalls is abnormally large and they jam up the traffic at the junction where everybody goes in and out at the same time. unlike Shah Alam, Bandung has no spacious parking lot to chuck all the hawker stalls.

what else that i miss the most?

The environment of last minute raya shopping. i miss the noise of people bargaining and promoting, the smell of rendang and lemang in PKNS Shah Alam, the sound of lagu raya played by various music shops, the scenery of baju raya that cost my mom a fortune because i couldn't resist getting one, the buy 3 free 1 promotion for kuih raya and bling blings, the expensive colorful scarfs that suddenly become cheap during raya sale and the crowded people, though it's kinda annoying. in a nutshell, there is nothing like your own country.

writing this entry makes me miss home even more :(

but i'll be home soon. tomorrow at 6am. can't wait :) :) :)

xoxo

Not Yet Home

2009-09-11T11:51:00.017+07:00

here's something to ponder: lesson 1,2,3.

lesson number 1: do not practice multitasking when dealing with important stuff such as texting your dad the date for flight booking.

one good example: i accidently texted my dad the wrong date because i was too busy playing games and facebooking. i just realized that 14/09 falls on monday, when i received an sms saying: "flight on 14th sept. confirmed". i'm supposed to be back on friday, which is today! argh! story of my life.

now i have 2 days of doing nothing. NOTHING. probably sleeping the whole day and waking up only to pray and eat. and yeah, toiletting too.

lesson number 2: do not put your stuff at places you know aren't safe. for instance: the cat ate my chicken! * sigh* i don't wanna talk about it. the cat is one hell of a lucky bastard. i still have patience to feed her last night since she was constantly rubbing her nose against my ass while i was squatting down to undo the strap of my sandal. i love cats, but not this one.

lesson number 3: don't try to be a superhero when you know you're too old for it. like, the fact that my knee was injured because i thought i could handle running up a slope. two things: i was wrong and it hurts :(

p/s: need to get ready for PVJ night! :) :)

waking up in Venus

2009-09-05T09:29:00.007+07:00

i have no idea what is happening.

i have no idea what is going on with you.

i don't blame anyone. i'm just not interested to do the blaming.

is it just me, or you have changed? it's a question i couldn't avoid to ask.

i couldn't remember exactly when it started, but i remember you were cold. you couldn't accept the truth eventhough you're asking for one. in fact, you're blaming others for that. i don't understand how you do the thinking. i don't understand how you could live like that. i'm not asking for your damn money, just a simple sorry will do. you're not the biggest celebrity, that i have to beg for attention. i don't care if you have all the money in the world. i don't care if you have the biggest wardrobe in the entire planet. i'm not interested with all the craps you own. for the hundredth time, i'm not you. money is not everything for me. i'm just asking for your SINCERITY in this friendship. you're like a sister to me and i miss the real you that i used to respect. despite your flaws that others been talking about, i could see the good side of you. sadly, i couldn't see it now, since you have turned out to be one of them.

i respected you. i'm sorry, it has to be past tense, because that was long ago. it's not something i would be happy to say, but girl, my respect is something you cannot have. probably ever again.

it's hurtful to lose a friend.

The quake

2009-09-03T08:42:00.023+07:00

yesterday,

no wonder i felt something is gonna happen.

no wonder my heart was beating a lil fast than usual.

the earthquake, it happened unexpectedly.

it was around 2 something in the afternoon. i was in my room, facebooking, when suddenly my laptop seemed shaking. i thought i was hallucinating. but then, there was a peculiar sound coming from the door. normally, the door would make such noise when the wind blows, but this time it was abnormally noisy. suddenly i was shaking. i put both my hands on the floor. OMG. the floor was shaking too. my laptop fell onto the floor (it was a long story), and all the stuff on my side table were shaking. i was stunned for a while there. it didn't take long before i realized it was an earthquake because it happened before, 2 years ago. i was too scared to look around because the noise of the door told me that everything else in the room was shaking, and that the ceiling might collapse if i didn't get myself out of the building instantly. the vibration was crazy. it was almost like there was a mad giant shaking my house, asking for food. i couldn't even stand properly since the vibration was dizzing me out. i quckly ran downstairs to the outside of the house where everybody else was freaking out. i saw some of my housemates were carrying their belongings, and realized that i wasn't bringing any. we stood there for like 15 minutes before the next quake hit. it was minor, but we were still traumatized by the major one. we entered the house few minutes after that and everybody seemed too scared to sleep that night.that includes me. but hey, i was quite calm. just a lil panic. a lil.

right after the quake, i quickly searched for the news online. it was 7.4 magnitude at first, then it went down to 7.0.

Its epicenter was located offshore about 190 kilometers (120 miles) southeast of Jakarta, according the U.S. Geological Survey. The center was about 50 kilometers (31 miles) deep. A tsunami watch went into effect but quickly expired.

CNN.com/Asia

it was told that the quake hit the West Java province, and there were some damages in Tasikmalaya. Tasikmalaya is quite near to my place, about 106 km east of Bandung city.

so far, there were 44 unlucky people who died.

i experienced the first earthquake in August 2007 when i first came here. the quake hit just after midnight but it was milder than yesterday. it struck Jakarta with a magnitude of 7.4, and can be felt at some places in the West Java island, including Bandung. Since Bandung is only 3 hours away from Jakarta, the vibration was pretty horrifying and we were grateful that nothing major happened.

the quake yesterday, it was a test from God during Ramadhan.

after the chaos, i grabbed my stuff and headed to zaza's. together with zafirah, we had tomyam and chocolate cake for buka puasa. i came home that night and saw some extra cracks on my bedroom wall. *sigh*

no class for today. yeay. i should be planting more pineapples in case i could get 20x20 extra space. yeah, i am babbling about farmville on facebook. i'm addicted to that stupid game, thanks to zafirah and lisa.

ok, folks. it's time to harvest.

toods!

A.M.

2009-09-02T03:01:00.006+07:00

it's 3.08 a.m.

i couldn't sleep. apparently there's a biological explanation that leads to this stupid insomnia, which i find it unnecessary to discuss it here.

few hours ago, i was in front of the tv, eating a huge slice of cake, and babbling about some stuff with my housemates.

i might suffer from sugar shock. possibly.

argh..!

i need some sleep right now. please, just......make me sleep.

Orang jahat tepi jalan

2009-08-23T10:38:00.006+07:00

isy marahnyeeeee...

yesterday evening while i was on my way to zaza's place there were some guys at the side of the road melepak2 sambil bercakap2 sesama sendiri. the thing is, they were staring at my thing and buat sound2 bodoh yang betul2 buat i rasa nak cekik2 je muka pecah pintu diorang tu. argh. geramnye tak boleh mencarut pulak. dah la bulan puasa, agak2 la mata tu. bukannya i was wearing bikini or whatsoever, i was decent. try la hormat perempuan sikit. eventhough i am short-sighted, i can sense the dirty look. bodoh betul.

this stuff happens all the time. not just to me, but to all the ladies. pakai baju kurung pun, kena whistle. what the hell. tak ada kerja lain ke? orang2 macam ni buat semua perempuan rasa takut nak jalan seorang diri walaupun waktu siang. it's not fair. what if we do the same thing to the guys? mesti malu kan?

then there's this : Assalamualaikum cik adik. Tak jawab dosa, jawab gatal.

siapa yang gatal sebenarnye?

oh Tuhan.

Esok puasa

2009-08-21T23:29:00.006+07:00

Ramadhan is here..!!

malam ni semua org busy memasak untuk sahur dan sibuk bercakap-cakap pasal nak makan apa untuk berbuka puasa. dekat dalam class lagi semua orang dah berbisik2 pasal puasa esok. tarawikh pun dah start malam ni. seronok environment ni. saya suke :), walaupun sedih tak dapat sambut puasa dengan family di Malaysia :( .

yang tak bestnye, saya dah berfikir nak pergi tarawikh dengan housemate semua, tapi tiba2 petang tu, hidung berdarah pulak. mungkin sebab terlalu panas, jadi tarawikh la sorang2 kat bilik.

sekarang ni, saya tengah tunggu nasi masak untuk sahur nanti. sambil tu, makan koko krunch sambil chatting. tadi masa saya nak ambil fresh milk kat peti sejuk untuk makan dengan koko krunch ni, saya terdengar ada orang pasang lagu raya. huhu. rindu rumah kot.

anyway, esok first day puasa. hope everything goes well despite the weather yang agak panas kat sini. of course malaysia lagi panas kan, tapi sini panas time tengah hari and petang je. so, time panas tu tidur je la. huhu. nak kena belajar untuk remedial lagi. argh. sungguh tak bersemangat.

lagi satu, yang merunsingkan fikiran saya time ni adalah traffic kat bandung ni. recently, jalan asyik jam je. boring betul. actually, kampus dekat je. kalau naik angkot, 5 minit dah boleh sampai, tapi sebab banyak sangat kenderaan yang nak lalu kat jalan yang sempit ni. setengah jam baru sampai kampus. dah la yang lalu tu kereta besar2. tu yang sesak tu. kalau time puasa, mesti letih. nasib baik maghrib pukul 5 lebih. huhu.

hopefully, tahun ni saya dapat menjalani ibadah puasa dengan baik disamping menahan diri dari melakukan perkara2 yang membatalkannya.

InsyaAllah.

Selamat Berpuasa, readers. =)

Love, Razana

taking charge

2009-08-21T18:58:00.022+07:00

i hate that view. i hate that sound. i hate that i am here. it gives me nausea. it turns off my yay mood. it annoys me so much i could feel it in the pit of my stomach. i stare at this one person with mixed emotions. everything about her annoys me to death.

dear miss fugly,

don't ever speak to me in that tone again or i'll make you regret you even know me before you could say bitch. it's about time you watch my claws out for real.

this whole thing is sickening. i almost took my gloves off without anyone knowing it. i almost slapped her. i almost lost my temper. what's up with me? my temper is back. could it be the lousy food i've been taking for the past several days? could be.

anyways, it's freaking me out that i have become this weird, egoistic person. but happier in a way. i am too strong inside, too stubborn, too cold and uncontrollable. i want everything to be exactly the way i want it to be. nobody could get in my way. bitchy ey? but the thing is, i don't care anymore because this is how it should have been, long ago.

this time, i'll make sure i get what i want.

because i deserve every bit of it.

the pieces I have put together,
are sealed with strength and serenity,
apart from leaving it to God,
I let the ego protect them..

Monday

2009-08-17T12:39:00.001+07:00

Today is holiday.
I love holidays.
I dislike mondays.

I'm craving for lasagna.
The one Pizza Hut is offering.
Funny, I love the cheesy lasagna.
I'm not a fan of cheese.
But this lasagna, is the heaven on earth.

I made several people happy yesterday.
They love me.
I am glad.

I have flu.
And still coughing.
But I don't mind since i'm overwhelmed with happiness :)

Amethyst

2009-08-13T10:19:00.006+07:00

8.35 AM WIB
mood: sleepy

not that i deny

nor i despise

shattered as i look

the ego guards me well

i may be the symbol of sorrow

but hell, i glitter in the dark

taking chances and going strong

i'm heading up

i'm flying high

still, with one foot on the ground

wings ain't my style

pain, i shall not fear

words are my voice

faithless is my foe

for once look into my eyes

count my heartbeat

speak my language

dance into my life

it ain't easy

it ain't simple

behind those messy hair you shall not see

every curl is a story

the blue sky caught me smiling

inside, it bleeds

searching for what it seems unreachable

it may, or it may not

of time, it will heal

-Razana Adam Lee-

Colors of my life

2009-08-12T00:19:00.010+07:00

i just love the idea that the sky is blue. it's so blue during the day, that i never missed a day without staring up, dreamily at it.

i hate yellow. yellow makes me look pale. yellow reminds me of clowns, and i hate clowns.

i've always wanted a red color cheongsam. it completes me.

and rainbow makes me smile ;)

she said hello

2009-08-11T23:19:00.005+07:00

i'm back in bandung. surprisingly, i'm feeling rather content being here, despite my endless whining of how much i hate leaving Malaysia.

yesterday, i took a walk across the town. with a bottle of aqua in my hand, i walked slowly while listening to Taylor Swift on my player. as i walked, i found myself focusing on every single step. i just loved how my mind works at that exact moment. i kept going, and counted each step that i took. how could i not realize that counting steps could be this fun? in a way, i felt relaxed and under control.

"welcome back, girl" i mumbled under my breath.

it's nice to be Razana again :)

and ouh, did i mention that she's one of a kind? hmm hmm ;p

A to Z About Me

2009-08-03T22:51:00.008+07:00

it's called A to Z Questions About Me. I answered till D cos i kinda feeling sleepy. ;p

A - Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident?

it was a school van accident when i was 9. i wasn't majorly injured. just a minor bruise on my forehead.

02. Do you have a lot of scars?

i would say no.

03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone?

yea. haha. i wasn't very girly back in primary school.

04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake?

erm, i guess not.

05. Have you ever had stitches? Where?

no way. i mean, NO.

B - Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful?

everybody is beautiful in their own way.

07. Are you self conscious of how you look?

at times, yeah. hehe.

08. Do you put on a lot of makeup?

just the basics: powder, lipstick, mascara, eyeliner, blusher. oh btw, i love mascara. ;p

09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery?

not in a million years.

10. What do you think makes a person beautiful?

i think, a person is beautiful when she possesses strong power of attraction and gains admiration, in the sense of intellectual, emotional behaviour, as well as physical. it's just an opinion because beauty is very subjective.

C - Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for?

i can't remember being grounded.

12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion?

i'll definitely keep it. i love babies. they look cute in anything.

13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people?

of course i do. especially my loved ones. but in some circumstances, i may not see the outcomes, so i might unintentionally hurt the people around me.

14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you?

spreading rumors. bitch.

15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end?

be friends with the plastics. bad move. i'd rather be alone.

D - Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them?

i used to yell and tell someone off. but now, i would choose to walk away. i'm not a chicken, just handling it as a civilised person.

17. Name a time when you had to be strong.

i broke up with my ex few days before exams. that was last year.

18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home?

definitely no. i'm blessed with a great family. i thank God for that.

19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react?

what else can i do? just live my life. i might cry for a few days, but deep down inside, i really don't give a damn. i don't owe them anything.

20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it.

yea. my grandfather. i lost him to leukemia. it was tough because he left us a letter. i cried everytime i read it. with the help of God, i got over it just in time for my PMR.

Happily Never After

2009-08-03T21:34:00.009+07:00

i haven't really watched the ending of the korean movie, Seducing Mr Perfect. it's not because i accidently fell asleep in the middle of the show, but it's the predictable ending that disturbs me. of course the charming guy will eventually fall in love with the cute lady. duh~. happy ending. fin.

but on the whole, it's a great movie. i like it, except for the ending part. for the record, i'm not proud of myself for letting the next few words being visible on my blog page.

i don't believe in 'happily ever after'.

there. but hey, i mean it. apparrently, there's no such thing as that in this world. it's too fairytale.

look around you, and think about it.

thursday

2009-07-30T15:10:00.004+07:00

sekarang jam menunjukkan pukul 3.10 petang. tak tau kenapa, hari ni mood kurang baik. jadi saya post gambar mood gembira so that, saya akan rasa gembira.

a lil retarded, i presume. ;p

ni la saya masa umur 21. the reason saya letak gambar ni, sebab saya nak sangat jadi happy-go-lucky macam ni. kalau boleh, nak balik umur ni. ;(

rasa penat hari ni. maybe sebab semalam pergi bersiar-siar dengan family. lepas tu, tidur pukul 3 pagi gelak2 tengok video2 kelakar kat youtube. tak tau la ape nak jadi dengan saya sekarang.

*yawn*

okay, dah tak larat nak taip. nak tidur jap.

toods~

solemn hope

2009-07-27T22:11:00.034+07:00

dear, diary

i'm feeling much better today. the last few days had been awful. i need to dust myself off and start facing the world. so this morning,i decided to be outside the house with my girlfriends to absorb their felicitous energy, just so i could stay alive for a few more days. i had subway chicken teriyaki sandwich, fried mushroom with tartar sauce and a big portion of fish n chips for lunch. it's been a while since i had a great time. somehow, i could smell the desolation in myself as i walked past the stores. suddenly the mall seemed too spacious and slowly, i lost my way. that was when the insecurity arose, and every breath seemed painful. but i managed to pull myself together at the end of the day. found my way and i was back on track. i guess, i hid it pretty well. nobody had the slightest idea of how shattered i was.

i finished the last chapter of a book (by Cecilia Ahern) a couple of minutes ago. it was a good book. i read books so that i would be so into the storyline,and pretend that the real world doesn't exist.

and now, i'm feeling the need to sleep. as in, more sleeping. not just the ordinary 8-hour sleep, but possibly 12 hours of temporary death. i need peace,so that i won't be staring up at the ceiling and finding myself torturing my brains by thinking and reminiscing. i want amnesia. for once, i want it so bad, so that my tear ducts won't be too active secreting during the night.

i think, i need a time out, because some pearls seem to be falling down my cheeks. those pearls are too priceless, so i have the need to shut my eyes. the pearls, they tire me out.

i guess, i should stop typing now. i need some good night sleep. hope tomorrow will be better.

nites.

Goodbye, Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-26T08:22:00.017+07:00

KUALA LUMPUR: Award-winning film director Yasmin Ahmad (pic) has died from massive bleeding in the brain at the Damansara Specialist Hospital.

She died at 11.25pm yesterday (25th July 2009). She had undergone surgery following her collapse at the TV3 headquarters Seri Pentas on Thursday.

- Courtesy of The Star 27 August 2009

The Sepet hero is gone. That's what i thought when i first heard about Yasmin's death due to brain haemorrhage (T_T).

This talented 51-year-old director had opened up our mind about racism from her breakthrough second film, Sepet. To me, this box-office film is like a wake up call for us to realize that interracial relationship is one of the things that make Malaysia a unique, multiracial country.

She had also succeeded in raising our eyebrows owing to the usage of Iban language in one of her TV commercial ads for Merdeka this year.

Plus this: The Love of Tan Hong Ming

This is really cute ^_^

Awwwww...

I was practically laughing at those puppy face. It touches our hearts isn't it? It does to me. Race does not matter in friendship, nor does it matter to any other relationships.

Yasmin had done a wonderful job in uniting all races in this country by producing films and commercial ads, despite the controversies and rumours regarding her personal life. But, whatever it is, she had done her part as a Malaysian. That leaves us with something to continue. Not by producing films, but to push away all the barriers that separate us as ONE. We shall not define ourselves by races. Not anymore.

Anyways, i believe, Yasmin's departure represents a great loss to our country's film industry.

You will be missed.

May you rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.

K-pop artist of the month: Jewelry

2009-07-25T22:05:00.009+07:00

I always have a thing for Korean products. And now, I'm fascinated by the Asia's finest Kpop female group: Jewelry.

Check this out:

p/s: the right spelling is JEWELRY. YouTube salah spell ah.

4 cute females. I'm dying to have those pretty eyes. (^_^) I like the one blowing gold dusts. She's hawt!

postscript: i'm getting lazier each day. i sleep a lot these days. trying to regain my energy by sleeping. that's my evil witch speaking. wrong theory. please, gimme some motivations...

this blog is a mess...NO..i'm a mess.. (T_T)

Beautiful

2009-07-25T00:29:00.013+07:00

Beautiful is one word to describe the young and talented Taylor Alison Swift. She's cool and inspiring. A 19 year old singer, musician and a songwriter. Awesome.

“It’s crazy, the first time making an album, not knowing if people are going to care what I write in a song,”

“And then the second time around...knowing that there are people who are going to know the lyrics that mean so much to me. It makes it all worthwhile.” - Swift

Yeah, girl. I love your songs. In fact i love all your songs and the lyrics are just so meaningful.

"This is the girl who, at the tender age of 10, had the guts to take the stage at every karaoke contest, festival, and county fair that passed through her hometown of Wyomissing, Pennsylvania. This is the girl, who at age 11, took a trip to Music City and left in her wake a trail of amused receptionists as she dropped off her homemade demo tape at every label in town. This is the girl who, at only 14, relocated with her entire family to Nashville to sign a songwriting deal with one of the most prestigious publishers in all of music. This is the teenager who signed her first record deal before she could drive. Who sidestepped the major labels in town to take a chance with a smaller start-up label. Who had the guts to step from an ACM awards stage and into the audience to introduce herself to Tim McGraw live on national television – just seconds after playing the last chord of her first hit song that bears his name. " - Swift's Biography

Check this out. My all-time fav. I present to you, Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift.

At at the sold out show at the San Antonio Stock Show & Rodeo on Tuesday, February 10, 2009 @ AT&T Center

HEY STEPHEN

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving but I know I saw a light in you
As we walked we were talking and I didn't say half the things I wanted to
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Stephen, boy you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone.

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I've got some things to say to you
I seen it all so I thought but I never seen nobody shine the way you do
The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving
I think you and I should stay the same

They're dimming the street lights
You're perfect for me why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now so come on and come out and pull me near
Shine, shine, shine

Hey Stephen I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well they're beautiful but would they write a song for you.

I have this song on my ipod widget at the sidebar of this blog. ------->

postcript: I love those curly blond locks of her and that piercing blue eyes. ;p

Thinking...

2009-07-20T10:54:00.008+07:00

long thought..

long and deep thought..

maybe it's time to let go of everything..

haih..~

decisions make you wiser..

....

I was a princess, and now I am a greedy guts

2009-07-17T22:32:00.004+07:00

me, doing some thinking. captured by ms zaza.

Lotsa things happened for the past few months. It's like a dream. Not really a bad one, but it was a new experience. To be frank, it was something i've never had in my whole life. I was a princess in a country full of cotton candy and lollypops when suddenly i was kidnapped and brought to an island full of black roses with thorns as sharp as a steak knife. The thorns were slashing my body, and i was bleeding like hell. It's supposed to be a nightmare, but i didn't think it was. Weird.

Anyways, i am home. The air in malaysia is dry and warm. Kinda hazy too. It's not very healthy to stay out during the day, but i needed to be outside the house to do some catching ups with my babes. So, invited KN to have lunch at my house and went to Section 7 to settle some business stuff before heading to the nearest shopping mall. The last time i was in Malaysia, it was 6 months ago. So i was hoping that i wouldn't accidentally be speaking bahasa Indonesia to any of the salesgirl. Bought myself a brown colored pant since VOIR is on sale. The number 70% had totally lighten me up from my weather breakdown mood. KN bought 5 tops. Haha. I was practically dragging her to Secret Recipe since she couldn't stop buying. Had my favourite chocolate indulgence while KN was babbling about how much i ate today. Haha. There's not a single Secret Recipe outlet in Bandung okay.

Had 3 meals in less than 3 hours. So what have the food done to my cheeks? They are ROUNDER and CHUBBIER. Equivalent to baking powder overdose. Hihi. But i am glad to be home. Really. So glad.

It's 2230. Grey's Anatomy S05E13 is waiting.

GTG.

Nyte2, readers. Sweet dreams.

a new day has come

2009-06-28T11:07:00.003+07:00

i strongly disagree when people correlate crying, with being incredibly weak and not strong. like, the fact that i have been called weak several times just because i let my eyes tearing.

apparently, it's wrong.

crying is a healthy way to express my sadness.

crying is the best way for me.

crying heals my pain.

and crying doesn't make one weak in any way. it's just a process of healing.

what is weak, is when you let your emotions overrule everything. it's a disease. and crying is just a symptom.

trying too hard to be the non-crying human, it is not too much to be called as pathetic. just because you dislike the idea of being called as a crybaby, doesn't mean you have to go on, living in denial.

sometimes, when everything didn't seem to go the way it should be, all i ever wanted was to have God to stay by me. He had given me this extremey powerful strength that even i, was a lil surprised of myself. though i might be having some breakdown moments, it's still okay to feel that way. humans ain't robots.

and being alone for a lil while is all i need to make sure that i'm ready to get up once again. some people need time to heal. including me. and that doesn't mean i'm weak. it's a wrong ideology to think that it is.

so to those who are struggling to survive the emotional breakdowns, it's okay to be sad. it might take a lil' while to heal, but the pain will eventually go away. trust me.

there's always a reason to everything that happens. because He has a better plan for you.

;)

i want an undo button

2009-06-27T21:20:00.004+07:00

When i said that i'm struggling with boredom, that was me, with half-opened eyes, scratching my head, trying to find something that would make me go 'WOW'.

I'm bored. Seriously.

I don't watch TV that much, since the only thing that is on here, is the story of the infamous 17-year old Indonesian young lady, who's trying to convince everyone that she was being assaulted by her own Malaysian husband. I think i am smirking. Can you not make things complicated between both countries? I'm done staring at her pretty fat face. Deepest annoyance, girl. Please note that i'm not on anyone's side. Just can't help feeling a lil' annoyed.

On a totally different note;

Have you ever thought of turning back to those days where everything was not so complicated?

I do.

This is my immature conscience speaking: I want more than ever, to stop being an adult and reverse the clock.

can i?

argh.

At this moment, i find that my one foot is deep in a hot water. I was given a list of options, and i chose to be a zebra over a lion. Judging from the risk, i never stop trying to survive each day, knowing that one day, i'll turn into a beautiful swan. I believe that God has something in store for me in future. And that, my waiting will come to an end, as i prayed for forgiveness and strength each day. Only He knows how this little heart had suffered from a series of complications caused by a species that practices egoism more than the other. Not once, not even twice. Only He knows that sometimes, all i ever wanted, was an undo button. More than anything.

But i know, with God's will, everything will be okay in the end. Even if it's not from what i expected, it's alright to believe that eventually, i'll find my happy ending.

I know i will. :)

people i listen to

2009-06-05T11:57:00.008+07:00

i need a break. hanging out and loosening up with my girlfriends are just what i needed. will meet one of them this evening. yeay! one of them is coming down to visit me on december. yesss! and i'll surely meet all of them in Malaysia soon. i really miss these beautiful girls.

era+ me + KN

Nabie

era

these wonderful girls are the only people i listen to.

we never once compete with each other.

there's no jealousy between us.

we could talk and laugh about every single thing in this world, every chance we get.

we had our misunderstandings, but we hugged and apologized the next minute.

we love each other.

and i love them loads.

reasons?

here's why:

1. they have programmed a strength software in me.

- i never formatted it. it's the only thing that keeps me going.

2. they can handle me when i'm at my worse behaviour.

- they know when is the right time to speak, and never attempt to aggravate my anger.

3. they have faith in me.

- they always thought i could make it big in future.

4. they listen to my craps.

- they were more than willing to lend me their ears when i was cursing my stupid ex few months back.

5. they have respect for me.

- they never made fun of me.

6. they laugh at my stupid jokes.

- they think i'm funny.

7. we shed our tears together.

- there was once, when i thought the world was just not the right place for me, and so i went to Nabie's house to look for comfort. she was there for me. i cried on her shoulder, and she cried too.

8. we laugh together.

- when i was happy, they tend to be happy too. that's just sweet.

9. they never once put me down, in any form.

- they believe in me. and that's the reason why i believe in myself. because they always do.

10. they never talked about things that would show their greatness.

- they are humble people.

11. they are civilized, educated and well-behaved people.

- they speak politely, and respect my opinions.

and most importantly, they love me for who i am.

and that's all that matters.

so, why do i listen to them and only them?

simply because they are worth listening to.

the silent treatment

2009-05-30T23:35:00.013+07:00

i was browsing through the old photos in my photo folders this afternoon, and came across some old photos of myself when i was much younger. totally different. (will upload them later on since the net is a lil unfriendly tonight). the real me 5 years ago, was the one who always look at things on the bright side. like hell, i love the old me. i was more outgoing and energetic than i am today.

well, currently i am the stressed and depressed version of myself. something like "dark and twisty" (yea, i know. it's something Meredith would say). but the only thing that doesn't change is my temper. LOL. probably because in adulthood, we have more things to worry about. college grades, relationships, social life, financial and etc. i took the responsibility in every step that i take. so the pressure is extremely unbearable, and thereby, increased blood pressure. it's not healthy, i know.

anyway, what other things that have changed? hmmm, maybe i begin to suck at speaking and expressing things nowadays. is it because i have lotsa tattletales around to speak up for me? not too sure. no blaming remember?

well, on the second thought, i guess it's probably due to the surroundings.

too many miss-know-it-all, i presume.

so, i choose to stay silent. and i am happy being the silent one eventhough i was never the quiet one. not that i haven't tried, but when i'm trying to voice out something, the remarks would be equivalent to the feeling of having a knife that cuts through the heart. it's certainly painful. hmm hmm.

so, maybe keeping everything to myself would be the best way of avoiding the pain. most of the time, silence is a good treatment. in my case, it is. and since i have nothing special to prove, i shall stay silent. i will speak, p.r.n. (when required or as needed), because if ever i open my mouth to share my thoughts, someone might get hurt. na-ah. not good.

therefore, to simplify everything:

less talk = less drama

being an adult, this is something i've learned.

i like it better this way.

p/s: i miss my mister ;)

friday rants

2009-05-29T14:56:00.008+07:00

it's friday afternoon and i'm still sneezing my eyeballs out. my rhinitis is killing my thoughts since wednesday. it's a little to the severe side, so i had to stop all my usual activities at night and off to bed early. my ability to smell is rather impaired by the regular sneezings and nose blockage, and i'm always seen with tissues in hand. i thought i would be fine this morning, but there's no sign of recovering.

anyhow, i'm glad that i've bought all my groceries for the next month, since the amount of my tissue paper is decreasing with the elevation of rhinitis attacks. a couple of hours ago i was taking a peek at my medicine box only to find that half of my Carinox (Loratadine + Pseudoephedrine) was gone. which means that, this time, the attack seems like a major one. i need my mom to bring them here since she's coming down to Bandung. yay!

earlier this morning, i was a little pissed with the angkot driver. no. maybe i am pissed with most of the angkot drivers here, every single day of my life that i had to ride those angkots. there's no need to be polite to them since they are the type who always asking me to pay for more even for short distance. that, almost reach my boiling point. plus, the fact that they love stopping at one place (waiting for some other people who were still a kilometer behind), long enough for a mani-pedi session. it's killing me to not be able to punch those drivers on the face. if i were to do that, i'm gonna do it lucy liu style. haha.

*sneeze break* where's the damn tissues?

anyway, check this out:

knit cardigan from Twelve by Twelve

it's a cropped sweater knit cardigan featuring a gorgeous removable chiffon pin with faux pearl and metallic bead accents.

i want it!!

what Razana has to say..

2009-05-21T22:01:00.010+07:00

it's been like, forever since i last wrote a real entry besides those poems and short writings (that represent laziness) down there. not that i have the intention to neglect this humble domicile, but things have been a little hectic here. some random good stuff had been going on and i still have a couple of exam papers to pass. but what the hell, i need a time out. writing has always been my favorite past time since i am not much of a speaker.

i guess the last 2 entries of mine have given most readers the wrong idea. the entries were told to be a little too aggressive (it shows the rebellious side of me) and, i kind of feeling a bit uneasy. so, i guess, i have the need to clarify it. well, it was just me, penning down my frustration and anger towards some general issues, and it has nothing to do with my dear mister. nothing like that. in fact, my relationship with him is going pretty well, and it's been quite a while since i last wore a real smile (after those numerous faked smiles few months back). you see, long before, i quoted this: "good things happen to those who wait". and ta-daa. my knight in shining armour has finally arrived ;)

fyi, i waited so long to reach this stage of life, and here i am, writing this entry, with an unfake smile (it's a rare situation, i'm tellin' ya) and i guess my eyes are sparkling too ;)

however, the saddest part is, i can hear some malicious dirts going around about us, since we are of different religions and races. how narrow minded of them. did i tell you that my parents are from different races too? so, there is nothing odd about it judging from my family history. so please don't overreact. you people may not have the slightest idea of how terribly aggressive i can be (in any way) if my personal life is being judged by some morons. the opinion of others (who are still talking shyt behind my back) is something i would refer to as RUBBISH. so, if you wanna voice out (or maybe bad mouthing me behind my back) regarding this matter, don't forget to include some common sense, because so far, i've heard nothing logical in any of it.

enough said.

the internal monologue

2009-05-19T20:59:00.006+07:00

for the second time, i stumbled over the massive rock

and i freaked

even if i despise the idea of living in denial, i couldn't bear watching myself sinking

i'm supposed to be unsinkable, remember?

did i push myself too hard?

not that i remember

ah,

it's a total letdown!

i should have seen it coming

after all the shyt i've been through, and this is what i deserve?

totally nonsensical!

*sigh*

i'm gonna give it another go

at least that's what i'm gonna get myself into for the next 24 hours..

damn it

2009-05-14T10:52:00.005+07:00

just stop it okay?

i'm at my best when i'm alone

so please stop telling me things

FYI, i'm not an idiot

let me live for once will ya?

hate it here. urgh!

Mama

2009-05-10T14:20:00.009+07:00

Mama,

there's nothing in this world i shall compare you with

no words could describe the love and care you gave to me

i cannot even begin to tell you all the wonderful things you have done to get me to this point of life

that, made me realize how tremendously amazing you are

a rebellious girl, i used to be

but your patience had me soften

i'm sorry, mama if it scratches your heart

it was just a tough phase that i had to go through

when the world turned its back on me

you showered me with your sweet words to stop my tears

listening to you, got me mesmerized

i wanna have a good heart just like you, mama

besides God, you are the reason to this strength

i don't think i can make it to this point if you weren't there for me

i still remember the day when my heart was broken into pieces

you never stop comforting me until i left home

if ever God took you away from me one day

i promise to shower you with thousands of prayers

and one of the prayers would be;

to make you stay in heaven forever...

Mama,

you are my soulmate

you are my saviour

you are my beautiful angel

i love you

and thank you for everything

Happy Mother's Day, Mama

Love, Jaja

the fourth cut is the deepest

2009-05-10T09:30:00.003+07:00

looking at you makes my heart beats faster

what my life would be if you were gone?

looking into those eyes got me thinking even more

how shall i leave you?

how shall i go through my days without you?

this, i could not answer

because,

seeing you leave, could stop the beating of my heart..

surprise surprise

2009-05-01T22:14:00.001+07:00

some people got astonished, and some had been waiting impatiently for me to say it. they wanted to hear it from me. LOL. it's expected. i understand those curious eyes. before i decided to be in this path, i was extremely scared. i was afraid if this turned out to be the wrong path. but as Leona Lewis said, it'll all get better in time. surprisingly, i am stronger now. i shall not pretend that it's just a dream. i will not run away from this. ever. judging from their perplexed stares, i can feel those big fat "WHY" disturbing their minds. haha. it's not a big deal as this is the modern century. interracial love is highly accepted in my area. i've been living in this kind of life, where people looked at my family in the most confusing way, since i was born. i must say that it's kind of amusing, somehow. my family background could justify the situation i'm having, right now.

love is not blind. it just happen. there is no reason to love.

and you must be crazy to think that there is.

=)

2009-05-01T11:56:00.003+07:00

there you are..

gazing at me..

looking into your eyes, i see peace..

little did i realize that i'll be smiling again..

and it's all because of you..

having you around me makes me feel alive..

it's like i'm living in a fairytale land once again..

except that i'm with you..

no one else but you..

though our beliefs may set us apart..

your name will always be in my prayers..

...

teddy loves cookies

2009-04-15T15:56:00.005+07:00

sleepy and bored.

it's been a while rite?

been busy with some unexpected issues..

will update soon~

Can You Keep a Secret?

2009-04-03T15:36:00.016+07:00

sometimes, there are things in your life that ought to be kept as secrets. sometimes it's effing difficult to keep a secret, especially the juicy details that would change the world or regarding that certain someone you hate. i'm very much aware of those. it's hard to pretend that our lips are sealed when the details are irresistably worth the spill. but i believe that the strength of a friendship bonding or sisterhood could stop the urge. well, maybe.

let's see. some time long ago, someone i thought was supposed to be a good friend, had been bad mouthing me behind my back. she was supposed to keep my secrets, and defending me at any situations. but this girl here, is totally the twin sister of cruela devil. except that she's more of an evil than cruella does. she spilled my beans and happily added in some salt and spices to make it more interesting and laughable. it's obvious that she's desperate to be in the center of attention. haha. i was practically laughing when i heard about it. if she was trying to be funny, okay, that was damn hilarious. really. but sadly, it wasn't. what's funny is how stupid of her to be doing this, when everyone would eventually found out how much of a blabbermouth she was. okay, maybe i cried of embarassment when she humiliated me in front of others, but nothing can compare the fact that she was labelled by the guys as a bimbo with the huge mouth. it's kinda sad because nobody likes her. and worse, she had no idea that everyone was being all hypocrite around her. you know they say, karma's a bitch? haha. i totally agree.

judging a person doesn't seem like me at all. but once a person intend to violate my trust, i'm sorry to inform that we're not friends anymore.

i'm not sure if she's reading this, but it's time to teach a bimbo some lesson.

it's hard to have a bitch as a friend and trying not to be a bitch about it.

isn't it?

;)

it's a NO..

2009-03-22T11:17:00.015+07:00

it's nice to see couples celebrating their 4th, 5th or even 10th anniversary. sometimes i wonder how did they survive the relationship hurdles? my previous relationship lasted only for a year and 8 months. i'm certainly not proud of it.

i never thought of committing into a serious relationship again at the moment.

seriously, not right now.

NO, NO, NO.

too much drama. too much crying.

not after the things i've been through a couple of months ago.

they say, forgiving is much more simpler than forgetting. yes, yes and YES.

i have my own reason for not believing in the phrase: "i will love you forever"

yeah. it sounds emotionally cold, i know.

image: by Alfred Eisenstaedt.

the only thing that lasts forever is my love for God...

it's the only thing that keeps me alive..nothing but my beloved Allah..

♥..

yes? no?

2009-03-12T21:35:00.003+07:00

the unexpected things are happening, right at this moment.

a little disturbing, but in a very surprising way.

i don't know what am i suppose to do now.

what would be my answer?

yes? or no?

surviving the regrets

2009-03-08T23:45:00.004+07:00

image : subway sandwich, i miss

i've been thinking a lot lately.

i have so many regrets in life that sometimes, it's just too hard to forget. for the past 23 years, i was always in the verge of turning back, hoping that i would finally able to erase the incredible amount of regrets that's been bothering me. at some point, i refused to let it go until it struck me really hard that i was actually on the right path. i'm glad that i didn't turn out to be a loser for making that famous U-turn just so i could undo the regretness. yea, i was quite immature. but that's just me. i was young and rebellious, but none the pretentious. all i ever wanted was to have a great life.

being here, i used to feel the profound regret. but now i realize that the life i'm leading isn't what i have experienced before. it teaches me the good out of the bad, and the fact that life isn't about being the best.

looking back to those days, everything was so perfect. the beautiful friendship, the good grades and the lenient life. i used to have those. well, time really flies. everything has changed.

i ain't sad.

because somehow, along the way, i realized how much i wanted to be here.

shalala lala~

2009-03-07T22:59:00.007+07:00

i've been occupied with stuff lately that i forgot how much of a whiner i am. the fact that i'm smiling and laughing again pretty much sum up that, i'm happier than i was few months ago. so, the whining part is supposed to be out of the list.

still, i need to clarify some stuff, even if it sounds like i'm trying to whine.

first and foremost, i'm NOT a girl with the most beautiful smile, perfect fingernails, with some enthuasiastic energy of communicating with strangers (mostly males), and stunningly awesome in almost everything. i'm totally the opposite of those. i'd rather be at home, reading my favourite books, experimenting with colors, editing photos and stuff. now that my current interest is photography, i could spend hours searching for the best DSLR that worth my every penny. call me a geek or anything, i'm fine with it, but i'm no blondie. at the moment, i'm not interested in anything but my stuff. the "boleh berkenalan?" approach is totally not my thing. honestly, the opening line doesn't sound friendly-ish at all.

number two, please people. please stop telling me what to do. i'm not your child and hell, i'm not anyone's baby girl. even my parents treated me like an adult and respect me for whatever i'm doing. this is like, the hundredth entry of my blog stating how farking pissed i am over some people who couldn't stop nagging at me. with all due respect, please fark off for once (mind my vulgar language, i'm not in the mood to use decent english). i wonder if it's the 'in' thing to tell others how to live their life. i'm not an idiot okay? and even if i am, it's sure as hell none of your business. maybe this is the reason why i can't stand commitments.

number three. the good news is, there's no number three. the whining has gone down from countless to two.

some people refer to me as the girl with an egoistic manner. oh, FYI, i need this ego to find my own road of happiness. now that i'm halfway along the road, everything else can wait..

velvet silk

2009-03-01T14:35:00.005+07:00

i'm screwed. but i'm moving on. nobody could talk me out of this, but myself. but now i'm good

my studies, business and personal life are keeping me busy. that's how i survive the mess. i'm definitely not turning back.

them? undoubtedly, they are good. but i'm stronger.

i'm not a delicate little flower. i'm better than that.

.

saturday blues

2009-02-21T12:05:00.001+07:00

amy winehouse - you know i'm no good

current mood: sleepy, jubilant =)

it's saturday. lotsa things involving cleaning and sorting need to be done instantly. haih. let's see..

my to-do list

1. laundry (i've been waiting to do this since tuesday. i'm a total procrastinator)

2. spring cleaning (that includes carpet dry cleaning)

3. assignments (solid and pharmacognosy)

4. accounting (i'm a businesswoman, mind you =p. need to balance the account, anyhow)

5. filing (too many unsorted papers and unidentified documents on my desk)

6. finally, how i met your mother season 4 :D

later~

a letter to the devil

2009-02-20T21:10:00.015+07:00

today, i've heard a terribly awful news about this one person, so bad that it makes me lose my respect for someone i presumed to be kind-hearted. never had i realized that i was being nice to a whore in sheep's clothing.

dear, devil

how are you? hope you're doing okay. heard that you've been bad-mouthing me behind my back. i just wanna say thanks for being such a bitch towards someone who actually helped you with your bloody ****** thing. oh well, maybe i was expecting too much from someone who uses her cow sense more than anyone else. nice try, einstein. better luck next time.

i'm sorry that everybody hates you. if you ever think of messing with me again, think again, biatch.

you don't really know what i'm capable of, do you?

Things I Can't Stand

2009-02-17T19:10:00.006+07:00

mari membuat tag.

List at least 5 "Things I can't stand" & tag your friends (from miss nanie).

Hmmm. I can't stand..

blood. this, i seriously cannot tolerate. the phobia started when i was 6. while playing with the kids in my previous neighbourhood, i stumbled over a rock, and landed perfectly on the tar road. my knee was bleeding non stop, and i almost passed out. i still remember the amount of blood...oh dear god, i'm still not over it.
dust. it's due to my serious allergic rhinitis. once the sneezing started, it'll continue for a couple of hours or so, depending on the weather. *sob sob*
the fact that some people could talk so loudly all the time (tahap melampau). that is sooooo annoying, man. it took me lotsa courage to walk off, rather than shutting them up. but i prefer telling them off. haha. evil.
shopping coma. totally head over heels in love with a pretty baby blue top, only to find that the XS and S are out of stock! this, i cannot stand at all!
the sound of someone chewing ever so loudly. i guess lotsa people can't stand this as well. sangat la annoying. kan?

tag who? tag no one. hee~

i need a double dose of oreo to cheer myself up. huuuu~

i'm a pharmacy student

2009-02-15T17:31:00.015+07:00

this is Institut Teknologi Bandung.

some boring facts about me, as a pharmacy student:

currently,i'm a science and technology pharmacy degree student, here in this uni.
2 years ago, i graduated from UiTM with a diploma in pharmacy (clinical), but never would have thought that i would end up pursuing a degree in the area of industrial pharmacy. it's totally different, mind you. both fields need different working skills.
i miss having to memorize countless of drug's generic names, its mechanism of actions, the confusing adverse effects, as well as the recommended doses. for example, generic name: metformin hydrochloride. strength: 500mg. indication: diabetes melitus.there's this exhilarating feeling of satisfaction if i could identify and name all the drugs at one go.
i miss working in the hospital (during my final year diploma). it brought me closer to the reality. real diseases, real drugs and real situations. at some point, i would lock myself up in the bedroom just so i could memorize all the drugs and its info. i wanna be able to provide as many info as i could to the patients.
i used to have this feeling of sympathy towards Parkinson's disease sufferer, so intense that i would cry. that's because my beloved late grandfather had suffered from Parkinson's disease, and i could tell how difficult it was for him to move around and holding things due to his tremors. ;(
i miss learning about diseases. CVS, NS, GI and etc. 2 years ago, i would spend most of my time reading lotsa health magazines.

but right now?

i just don't feel like flipping through any books related to the study of science and technology pharmacy, because none of the subjects interest me more than barney stinson's high-pitched voice. i want my clinical pharmacy back! the hardworking girl who would go all out to get good grades, i will never find. *sigh*

anyhow, i need my nerdy character back just so i could pass all the exams. insyaAllah after i've completed with my bachelor's degree here, i will probably be getting another degree, in the field of art and design. it's my first choice before pharmacy. ;)

postcript: i miss attending mr steven's classes back in uitm ;(

I..ehem,..Love...cough...You..

2009-02-14T12:41:00.014+07:00

it's been a while since i said these 3 powerful words to any.. ehem, guy.

it's been... erm... - i can't remember, and i don't think i'm allowed to remember.

why am i even bother to reminisce this stuff again? ouh, yea because at this hour, most of my friends are probably busy setting up a romantic candlelight dinner, and few minutes ago, i received a text from a friend who needs my opinion about her dress that's supposed to be for the evening. i'm certainly happy for them. it's Valentine's Day.

well, to tell you the truth, I'VE NEVER celebrated this day. for muslim, it's suppose to be 'haram', but if your real intention is to celebrate the LOVE of your life, then go ahead. it's a nice thing to do, indeed.

yesterday evening, i saw two ladies selling a variety of beautiful fresh roses at the side of the road. i bet tonight, all the girls in bandung will be holding one, and the flower ladies will be smiling away on their way back home, with lotsa cash in their hands.

ok, now that certain someone got me really pissed. why did i even allow him to spoil my day?

argh. at some point, i don't mind being single AT ALL.

Happy Love Day, folks.

the road to 23

2009-02-11T11:55:00.018+07:00

well,well. here comes another round of February 11. Happy Birthday to me... ;)

i still remember being 16. but i don't remember being 21. and now, i'm already 23? (T_T)

the "i'm 23" look

today, i woke up early just so i won't miss the chance to see the morning sunshine of february 11. 23 years ago, at this exact time (11.45am), i was still in the womb. I thanked God in my Subuh prayer for giving me another year to live.

to Mama, thank you for taking care of me for the past 23 years, and the 9 months of hardship and pain that brought me to the world. Your patience and dedication made me realized how lucky i am to be your daughter.

to Papa, thank you for believing in me when i'm at my worst behavior. thanks for your overflowing financial support and words of advice, that made me want to change from being the hard-headed lass to someone better.

23 years ago, i was just a palm-sized baby in the incubator, who then, grew up as a toddler who always cried and drove everyone crazy. at 6 years of age, i became the talkative child who went up on stage, made my parents proud and received my scroll of best student tittle in kindergarten. and during my primary school years, i was always the one who create troubles and always get caught fighting with little sister. in my early teenage years, i became a rebellious and problematic teenager who eventually astonished both my parents with a straight A's result. i then, developed into a young lady who constantly caused my parents a headache for my demand in expensive stuff, and would spend most of my first month salary (as a pharmacy assistant) for the purpose of entertainment. and today, i have become a wise 23 year old female who currently out of my parent's sight, in order to achieve my dream (but will always weep from homesickness and had them worried). somehow, deep inside me, both my parents will always hold a special place in my heart.

i really miss my parents :(

anyway, on a more happier note, this morning i received lotsa birthdays wishes, mostly from friends back in malaysia. :) :) :)

to my besties, thanks for the birthday wishes. you guys are the first few people who remember this date. it's the thought that brought me to tears. =) (sebab jauh kan)

and for those who wished me on facebook and frienster, thank you very much, folks. i'm totally overwhelmed with delightness.

mengapa post ini begitu melodramatic sekali...

;)

i ain't gossip girl fan

2009-02-09T22:12:00.012+07:00

i have recently discovered 3 things about myself:

1. i suck at faking things. but somehow, my facial expression does not always represent my emotions.

fact 1: i'm born with unsmiley face. not my fault. not even anybody's. i'll smile when i needed to.

2. i tend not to give a single damn, about things that has been going on around me, lately. the only thing i care about, is my life. i hardly ever care about gossips these days, which explains the tittle phrase above.

fact 2: i'm not really an observer. my interest has always been about myself. whatever things that others been doing is certainly out of my subject, unless it's regarding my loved ones.

3. i'm at my best when i'm alone. privacy is always on top of my list.

fact 3: being alone means no high-pitched sounds coming out from the middle of nowhere to infect my earsight. i'm a lil' uncomfortable with noises, except for my choice of loud music.

strange as it may seem, but that's just who i am.

The Secret

2009-02-07T09:46:00.005+07:00

this selfish little voice at the back of my head been urging me to follow the lead of my heart. sometime ago, the voice was a miracle to me, as it opened me up to the possibilities to achieve the inner tranquility that brought me to profound happiness. somehow, i lost it, again for some untold reasons. i am rather close to living in denial.

if only the beans were to be spilled, i wouldn't have gotten my life into this.

and some distance is all i need to bury this little secret of mine, deep into the veins so as to cease this rational surge of annoyance.

or worst, the demon side of me will pester my conscience and lead me to the life full of regrets.

i do not wish to solve the puzzle. i need to bury it this way, so that everyone shall not define me incoherently.

either way, i will always be the one who keep this secret to myself. this, i will hold on to for as long as i live.

postscript: i have the need to vent it out this way, because believe it or not, my trust has been violated.

Happy Birthday, Era!

2009-02-04T22:11:00.006+07:00

today, one of my dear girlfriends is celebrating her 23rd year on earth.

a short intro about the birthday girl: Era Sharinee or better know as era, is a high-spirited young lady, who is somewhat talkative, yet soft-spoken. she possesses a reasonably good personality that anyone would be proud to have, with a great sense of humour, and some level of intelligence. these are the reasons to why she is my personal relationship tutor now. lol. unfortunately, she's all taken. ;p

anyway, this pretty lass here, has been a very good friend to me for over the last 8 years. we've known each other since high school, and grown up together, along with my 2 other girlfriends. she was there for me through thick and thin, comforting me with her friendship blanket when i was trembling with sorrow, listening to all my craps when my whole world has fallen apart, and all the stuff that makes her an incredibly awesome friend.

anyway, now that i'm out of words, i just wanna wish u a wonderful birthday, my dear. thanks for being such an understanding friend. may you be blessed with good health and a joyful year ahead.

postscript: looking forward to your big day. 2 more years huh? i doubt that. i say it's next year. lol.

once again, HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY, love.

xoxo.

trashy, trashy, trashy

2009-02-03T14:56:00.000+07:00

for some inexplicable reason, i am feeling rather ________.

stressed out? nope.

elated? not really.

devastated? possibly, but no. nope.

exhausted? rarely.

annoyed? yes. so. very.

on a totally different note, i finally found the perfect _________. i have issues, mind you.

what am i up to on a saturday night in bandung?

2009-01-31T20:33:00.015+07:00

cleaning perhaps. my room is a mess, but still, it's within the safe range, below the upside down level. haven't really unpacked most of my stuff. been so occupied with things, going up and down the uni, purchasing some important stuff and etc. not having to see the mess is a heaven bliss. now that i'm around, my eyes are in pain of seeing most of the stuff scattered on the floor, waiting for me to pick them up. it's been bugging me. so i just gotta do what i gotta do.

other than that, need to continue with my reading. just finished the prologue part of The Pillars of The Earth. scarily superb. can't wait for the rest of the story.

but that would mean none of the cleaning stuff be done, cos technically, i won't be holding the mop if i started with chapter one. reason: i shall paralyze myself on bed, to begin with. and being on it means no movement, except for the bathroom visits.

haih. need to start cleaning up first. oh, now that my conscience is talking. pardon my sloppiness, if any. been typing hastily to finish this. so, let's see.. where should i start? but first, let's hit the bathroom floor with Lady GaGa!

11.25pm: after a couple of pathetic attempts, the net finally gave in. phew! been trying to upload this for the past few hours. so people, Just Dance!

postscript: tomorrow is Hari Wilayah. so on monday, it's officially a public holiday in KL. wishing all KL citizen a happy holiday!